Dear Mr. Mundt,

     Your essay, "The Theory of Random Submission of Manuscripts to Magazines," is really very interesting, but its implementation hardly seems very likely to meet with much success in the publishing world, at least to us. Regrettably, it is clearly unsuitable for our particular publication.

     That having been said, however, we would have been pleased to accept your enclosed companion piece, the amusing vignette "In Utero Dementia," for inclusion in our Best-Of issue of Amusing In Utero Dementia Vignettes Magazine, except, of course, that we ceased publication last week.

     But please, do send us a list of Other Works Which May Be Purchased for our own enjoyment immediately!

     Anxiously waiting to purchase your work,

                The Former Editors of
                Amusing In Utero Dementia Vignettes

PS We will soon begin publication of a new online magazine: Amusing Sucking Wound Vignettes Weekly. Please send us any appropriate vignettes you may have. No short stories, or chapters of novels. Absolutely no poetry!!! Sucking wounds must, naturally, be central to the vignette. If it works without the sucking wound, then it's not for us. No gratuitous sucking wounds. No sexually explicit sucking wounds, and definitely no exploitation of children's sucking wounds. 50 words max. See our upcoming website for detailed ten-page guidelines. Payment in copies.

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